“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me only one ear”

Every time I hear this song — I feel free to dance. I’m not obliged to anyone else. If you’re even keen to lend a ear to hear what I mean, read on.

I’m the accommodating friend, ever.

It’s a part of myself that I struggle with the most. If you are crying, I will literally drop everything and run over to your dorm room to lend my two ears, my own tears, and most importantly, my heart.

It’s not something to laugh at. There are plenty of people out there who are so compassionate to the extent you can internally feel the agony that you’re going through.

It’s amazing — the ability to empathize is a powerful feeling. Yet, it’s also a hindrance to your ability to carry out your ambitions and aspirations.

You keep putting others first.

It’s them over you.

Then you eventually becomes a minuscule concept. You find yourself saying sorry constantly or not being able to receive a compliment. It sucks.

I learned that in order to really help others, you have to get your own ducks in a row. You need to crank out your work and be ready to catch someone when they fall.

What’s the point of catching someone in a trust fall when you fall down with them? Yeah, thought so.

But then, you’re going to find yourself in this situation:

It’s a Thursday night during reading week. You finish a long show, and you just broke up with your boyfriend. You need someone to help you out, but everyone you’re close to are extremely driven. They’re cranking out essays and studying for their finals. They listen, but they only listen with one ear. You could say that they are hearing you out, but they’re not really listening.

What are you going to do now? Well, I had several solutions. You can read about that in another story.

But, if you’re like me and because you give your all to listen to others and you’re expecting others to reciprocate that level of commitment, you’re not going to find it. Time has to pass — it’s the environment! You wanted academic excellence, but that comes at a loss of emotional stickiness and collective “I got your back” ambience. But, have hope. Don’t change yourself because there’s nothing wrong with loving fully. It’s because they’re not ready to catch you.

After this turmoil though of psycho-analyzing your friends and struggling to find new people to depend on, you realize that what you have to do is learn how to be emotionally independent.

Push yourself to handle hard emotions and situations alone. That’s also a skill that’s soso hard to acquire, but you do it once, and you feel like you just finished 5 sets of abs.

Where am I? I’m in the middle of my 3rd rep.